Destiny

Field Camp Week

2010-11-27T11:05:00.001-08:00

It was field camp week, the week I had been looking for even before enlisting in to the national service. My friend told me about this harsh event that isn't going to be easy, I thought that I was prepared but it was surprising. It takes a lot more than effort to endure the tough treatment, I know all practice in field camp is for the sake of war simulation and fast-learning but I almost fell out. Looking at myself now, I believe I can achieve greater heights because field camp is not going to be my limits. Although I was weak before, but now I grown strong and I will not stop growing stronger, everybody in platoon 2 and the rest, work together! We are the Ravens! We shall be the best batch ever :)

Determination

2010-07-30T04:58:00.000-07:00

Everyone is born to do something, I believe?
But that something is not decided for us, it is to our own free will,
that we decide our path of our life, yes?

>:(

2010-07-25T23:36:00.000-07:00

Why can't I forget you, hate you so much

Dad's Lecture

2010-07-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

Everytime my dad scolds me, I only can cry, I never know what it means to be crying, but thinking about it, it's just something to make me realise the cold fact of life...

Blea, nobody can be a kid forever, we need to work for what is worth and earn, but I don't know now. I just wish that everything we do is paid, that's the perfect world...

Money

2010-06-25T21:45:00.001-07:00

I recently discovered a program on the internet that gives money for advertising.

Register - by registering through this link.

If you join via the link you can also earn money, but follow the instructions, It takes 14 days to activate, I am still on secondday ^>^

Okay honestly I don't know if it will work, but worth a try :)

Death of

2010-06-14T05:55:00.000-07:00

The morning was young, the roads, filled with dangerous huge machines rampaging non-stop across the path of business.

I walked my dogs as usual, a silly and mindless decision, because this will be the last time I will ever bring anyone there..........

We were heading for the house, the mighty beauty, nobody could ever feel it any beter than me. The mixture of emotions, How can I ever repay 3dots?

Someone tell me that I can revive a dog?!!

The huge machine ran over, it was gone, dead..

I feel that I should NEVER had walk them to such dangerous place

What the hell was I thinking?

I had now to pay for the consequences, but I don't know how, I need someone to tell me, HOW, HOW CAN I, PAY SUCH A DEBT...

Bored

2010-05-24T18:11:00.000-07:00

Relations, Sociality
______________________

I read an article talking about social skills, they blantly put it as a form of communication where people are expected to say something...
Come to think of it, that makes the whole point so lame!

Then I read an article talking about the conscious and subconscious thinking...
They say you use almost 5-10% of the brain in conscious thinking while in subconscious, the amount of controllable. Then I realised it was nothing more than relaxed thinking, which is concentrating on a certain subject and ignoring the rest. That's called subconscious? Omg bullshit?

Sometimes articles can be as bad as trying to kid people but some are actual facts, may be these are facts but who knows, sciences is fact, we all know it
It looks like the IPP is finally ending, my stress level will drop dramatically after this season, can't wait!

PP,

2010-05-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

Went to the place
Don't really feel like talking about it cause I don't like the place
But anyway just for the sake of fun and laughter I went! To test my guts
Most people there looks like they are there just to hang around and play
No so much of the bad-ass type, but I still percieve them as bad tempered =S

So the gang had reached and had a little alchohol and dance before something bad
go to happen, some half-drunk to drunk friends...
Poor julius and victor and friends, they got to handle them while I watch helplessly
I am pretty shy to help myself since I am losing my balance from the alchohol and music
It's the first time I am feeling so weak from alchohol, thanks to "Graveyard", cost a 33 bucks ...

Although it's quite an interesting experience but it's very tiring, that's what I hate, it's tiring.. I hate being tired..
After a fresh energising sleep and FOOD it's back to normal

My dad and mum watch me while I enter the doorstep, without questions ask
I do know how they feel, but they will understand that I am just going for fun
Even when I didn't mention, it can be quite disappointing but they will say that I am okay

I hope I get a good day after all these, pretty embarrassed from all the diziness
Actually, research shown that average drinkers got a higher chance to not get heart disease, which is good! So I should be happy =) ya.

Back to IPP, now in the "cursed" place, may be I should just cope better, it's just 3 more days before ending, miss some colleges, can't wait to leave but still
Ok seriously, I just want to leave the IPP "obligation"

- Why is it that suffering has to come..?
- Because.. there's the enjoyment after... yea.. I always believe

Full Metal Alchemist!

2010-05-23T06:27:00.000-07:00

Video Link!
Full Metal Alchemist!

Relations and Emotions

2010-05-20T02:46:00.001-07:00

Today I want to tell about emotion and relation. Say, when someone does a bad thing to a person, that person would feel hurt and there's only three options, to ignore, find the truth or seek revenge.

Ignore or Revenge are the two options that's easiest to deal but in fact, the most wise is still the truth, even so, finding the truth is the hot deal stuff that waste lots of time, but you know, it is worth the time! Simply because the experience earn will strength the next occurance.

Why do people do such things like hurting words? A saying goes, short term pain and long term pain. When a blast of sad truth hits, it may hurt a large bump but it's good way of saving time, dealing with these cannot involve emotions, it hurts alot, the brain should work for it. Getting hit by a long term is sometimes even un-noticable and is also quite time consuming too.

Come to think of it, what does emotion actually depict? It is the basic reaction of everybody, the intensity is what differs from person to person. Someone decides his/her own intensities, which values they want in life. By using the time to improve on certain, some other people use their time on others.

Through experience we get all the values, the adaptibility and morphability to the situations and surroundings! Life is full of wonderful things, I cherish life, DO YOU?

Simple

2010-05-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

Now I once again change my perspective of life

I view people as beings, animals as being, basically, living creatures
With insights, I view matter as normal and natural, be as understanding as possible
With the power of reason I design with no bounds
With the limits of thinking and body limits I choose to be myself

I want my face to be free from pimples
I want to train a better body
I want a base income
The rest will evenually come in place

Thank you For Creating The World -> Whoever

Programming Programming..

2010-05-11T00:41:00.000-07:00

Order table has many OrderSubList table

Products have many OrderSubList table

_____________________

User creates an order sub list
User creates a new order and select a list of order sub list

OrderSubList is as good as the middle man that has the data of which product is affected

Birthday Fail

2010-05-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Today was quite a heavy day but rewarding and interesting
Had to woke up early in the morning at 8am to the chong boon market for some breakfast
followed by the car wash, earns 60 bucks but with my dad's aid
He almost did 50% of the work and my arms were all aching due to long-term-absence-of-excercise-lifestyle
lol I hope he would take the 30 bucks as a form of appreciation but I doubt he would
He'll just let me have the 60 >_> omg

__________________
Anyway the main point of today's post comes down to this!
After which at 5++ I would reach victor's house to celebrate someone's birthday
And GUESS WHAT... ya give yourself a second or two, read the title and start..

Alright, wrong, because it's quite impossible to guess
The BDAY BOY DONT WANT COME CELEBRATE WITH US
and he keep giving excuses!
I guess we are all pissed, so well, we decided to take some photos
photoshop em, then we see what we can add on to it for some fun lol

Anyway tmr will be IPP( actually its today since its 1am but nvm)
Curse IPP 3 more weeks to go For-The-Win

Developer

2010-05-06T20:10:00.001-07:00

The passion of creation that I lost over the factors of survival..

Now I realised again how interesting creation can be, inspired yet again,
Now it was Ice frog's blog (The maintainer of DotA)
I always believe in quality work, what I did best was never enough to satisfy
Even now when I am facing the troubles of life(Which everyone will)
All I can do is watch and learn, experience and move on
If people care enough to tell you how they do things, I think it doesn't matter
What matter is that you know what you are doing and you can ignore the rest
except for health
=)

Over the weeks at this Internship I realised many things that I once hold as values
Gone to waste because I believe in different acts in different situations
But I was too serious, silly me now got to change again (OH, alright change again)

Yesterday was kind of expected, haha, I am keeping that a secret but from it
I realised that nothing is absolute, you cannot expect everything so precisely but only guess.. . Even after guessing and realising it is correct, it is not precise..
Then in the near future things go unexpected again because it is too blur to read
Somethings though, can be read with true intelligence, but just, somethings related
to people.. . cannot be read easily =)

Eventhough I had emotional struggles before, now I still feel a little of it, but I always try not to cry for the same reasons, indeed, my heart is already null to those kind of emotions and meanings because I know that there is this OMEGA creature/thing that's creating life and managing it, so this is a piece of cake!

I am naturally lazy and seek enjoyment, but after enjoyment I regret the time wasted but still crave for more.. . that's because I think too highly of myself to be worth doing things for others, that I believe others can't do is what I am gifted but still
I am not all that awesome anyway.. .

I believe everyone wants to be the best someday but how to be the best and daring to be the best.. . I dare, but I don't know when, life is always like this, many unexpected things happen then time is always not enough, better invent a time machine before I die.. .

Einstein is great! Geniuses and non-geniuses, there's always a payment to everything that's a gain, even geniuses have their flaws so don't strive for normal I think
Strive to be ourselves =)

Expected and Unexpected

2010-05-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

When it comes to expected, I believe many have got experiences to share
Even dreams that tell the future are considered!
However, when the unexpected hits what do you do?
I normally will try to exeggerate the reaction of shock but actually
I am nothing more than expecting the unexpected?
Actually I think that it is normal and natural that things do go unexpected
But knowing the expected for too long might make life a little too boring

Well people change, so there is no reason to stop generalising and start doing
whatever
I wana do !

Readers are welcome to give comments and actually I am tired now =)

Beautiful

2010-04-29T17:58:00.000-07:00

It's the first time I ever felt such strong feelings in a dream
Those feelings almost impossible to find, True Love & Romance
Now I tell myself if this is achievable, yes indeed it is
There is only one factor, the trust is always off and on

I think I will never forget this wonder, epic, awesome and fantastic dream/movie
of mine because, never had I been in this kind of stuff, now
I finally get the hold of me in one of these episodes =)

BLISS

Hope and Faith?

2010-04-28T01:47:00.000-07:00

People always cling to that hope and tries to assumps
I came to realise that there is no happiness without suffering
If you don't feel suffering, then you will get it when u feel suffering!
For after you suffer, somethings will later come to light

There is no such thing as hoping (cuz that's an assumption), then when u hope
too much!
hope becomes an addict, like a
like addicted to drug
so if u dont stop you are as good as a smoker
SO only when you stop hoping that you see the TRuth LOL
no truth = emo, =.=

The Way

2010-04-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

There is a difference between facts and what you are doing
I believe that everything has it's ups and downs
So why try to teach people? It's hard for the reciever TO GUEss your intentions
Needless to say, it's even harder to get trust from the recieve when
YOU are the one raising the voice trying to do good things?

Sometimes when you get the fact that you suck at this that this that
But the problem IS! That you choose what to do, not the others

You don't see bill gates telling everyone to follow him, but it might be a good idea
For him to do it
Well, I MEAN, it's very inappropriate
That's why I always, ALWAYS believe, in intuition

Like I said, If you follow a guideline, then just go study, and then earn money
GEt a life, then, find it boring, and die as a bore cause! Life is not interesting
Yes, not anymore when you are like a puppet that is!

There is no obligation, since everyone has what they got, to say! =D I always believe
Some times, when I see weird people, I think they are lame, very very lame
But turns out everyone is somehow the same, but very different in another view
What I mean is, people change, from their experience, and some don't
So assumptions? No , it's bad, ends up screwing your life! SO
Don't assume, find out the truth instead, we all know what you fear
You fear lies, but lies is what is causing all the fear
What matters most is what you do to people, not what people do to you
Because if you hit someone with a bamboo stick, they are gona hit u back
WITH 2 BAMBOO StickS

Lost Contact

2010-04-27T02:06:00.000-07:00

Primdary School, Secondary School, Poly
different stages of schooling with different degree and volume of departition

Once lost contact, it is hard to get back, pardon my EQ, I am starting to learn more
Sometimes with these conditions in mind, how would I dare to talk to anyone?

I can answer them but I choose to escape, oh well, peace ! NO ASSUMPTIONS PEOPLE! =)

Mind and Soul

2010-04-26T20:26:00.000-07:00

The body, the brain, the soul
The machine we all need to take care of
The intellect we all have
The kindness we all have

Eyes Dry

2010-04-25T22:25:00.001-07:00

I didn't have a good sleep and ended up with sleepy eyes for the morning..
Hopefully I can endure for today's IPP then grab alot of sleep after the outing later

I wonder how it will when I got sufficient sleep, it's been a long time since I experienced that

Life is too though now, so I gotta do the right things, I got something to try =)
The other day I felt so refreshed after some whole lot rest. Before, I thought
that the more I sleep the more I become lazy, it was true. However, lack of sleep
has heavier consequence was unimaginable.

I don't think they will read this but I am trying to sleep earlier, That's my promise
to.. Myself. I watched an anime called 5 centermetres per second and reminded me of
myself in my secondary school life

Here now, I walked so much in life, age that only proofs experience and changes conceptions, I don't think there is a right or wrong, but living in one's own will, I
felt, is the true meaning of life.

Forward to the path ... and never go back

Hallucination

2010-04-22T18:33:00.000-07:00

Played video game with friends and found out it was 5am.
Before I sleep I can feel that I am in an imaginable world. Everything is so messy noisy and full of array of colors. I tell myself, this is unreal, this is just nothing but an illusion. But I know, all the signs are telling me that I am close to death

I had decided, I cannot go on like anymore.

In the end, dad was right. Me, I was just stubborn to not listen

Imbal Kia

2010-04-20T18:24:00.000-07:00

Yes! I found the key to imbal mode because the key to imbal mode is to not have
- emo -
D= IPP FML but parents encourage me to continue, so I think I shall move on
_______________________________________________________________________________
System: Initiating deactivation of Emo. . .
System: Emo deactivated
System: Moveon() activated
System: ImbalMode() activated
System: Endure(100) activated

Unfair

2010-04-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

It does not mean that I must obliged to anything you say, but it means that I am willing to help you even to bide your crazy attitude

Now what you gave me in return totally tells me one thing, that you are an emo freak

Meh friends

2010-04-10T14:16:00.001-07:00

huh? friends? kk anything

But no, turned out to be problems and troubles
what's the whole point, there's no point in doing all this
in the end, what will happen will be that it is all lost

but why? why do i even feel a bit of unwanting to give it
Hmmm, it's deep in my heart, i must know that it is lust
yes, it must be lust, the desire is too bad, rotten

I need to chill, then go back, go back to what I should DO
and what's this? neh it's just a cup of tea with an old buddy
then lifes goes on again, I should be searching and not desiring

Haha, foolish me, wake up from your dream, lust and desire shall not
guide you, come on, throw it away, because even if you get what
you desire, in the end, that's not the stuff we are talking about

It is, yes, the relationship and not the desire, it comes naturally
may be you wait a lifetime, so what? But rmb, Me, please be wise in your
decision, because once you plant your seed this time, it's going to grow

It will never die down again, like it used to

For those who are curious, I am brainstorming and talking to myself, so if you can please help yourself to decode, then good for you =P

Coding in Avant Werx

2010-03-31T22:49:00.000-07:00

Avant Werx is the company I am attached to for my school's IPP.

Back to the old times, coding coding and coding, projects, timeline, marks, hand-in
, facial expressions, too many to list D:

So now I am like a mad scientist researching for what I don't already know, that is
, how to manipulate the JSF, JSP and Java, but I am getting the hang of this =D

More than that, we need to re-design, re-create our designs to suit the company(user)
, this is even more complex than the software engineering thingy we went through in skhool >=(

But seriously, without this fever and flu to worsen the day, I would had been so much happier eating ice cream while I code =x

Nevermind, I must endure and destroy this bullshit (idea of me being noob) erm
, pesperspect(pesimistic perception, joking, there's no such word)

Gone~

!@#$

2010-03-30T02:42:00.001-07:00

Fate, where are you~?

Internship?

2010-03-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

It had never been easy life working here, we get assigned to things that we aren't familiar, there we are expected to do our best at all times.

My personality is not a robotic guy of perfectness, so all I can do it try

Life is

2010-03-17T03:03:00.000-07:00

Life is a game

I am a gamer, from young, I like the fightning games and expect no more of a game then just happy and fun minigames. Now the industries had improved so much on aspects of gaming, ever wonder why?

Game developers from around the world strived for their base in making the best game in the world, that the world had never seen, how? By first learning the ways of live, then transform it into details in the game, changing them into more fantasy style, the way people always want to be to escape from the "game" we all are playing, Life.

I don't know... But comparing a game with Life, many things are similiar, though Life is so huge, it might still be a fake altogether. Is there ANYONE to tell the truth? If it is truth that you might say, then there won't be questions asked...

To do...

2010-03-13T00:43:00.000-08:00

I have a goal, to create a very good video game, I may achieve it alone. But not with this laziness I had. I am very certain of this laziness. I got to remove this laziness and start the work, the real stuff, because...

I am already 20, time is too short

Offer

2010-03-05T03:09:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine, william, offere me a task, to design a website and I get 300 bucks if I do it well. Over the phone, I overheard his friend(the guy who was the mastermind of the task), since I got no garuntee to do it well and the guy doesn't know what he may need. I rejected the offer to prevent trouble.

So readers, is my choice the right one? Put a comment, thanks..

2010-01-31T08:15:00.000-08:00

I am sick and tired of what I NEED to do, being bounded by all the things, being restricted... I just need a freedom

Dangerous

2010-01-29T19:12:00.000-08:00

recently I get these msn adds from a bunch of stranger, I don't know how they get my email and added, I accepted anyway, theres this person who asked my gender and wanted me to cam, I wonder what the hell he/she wants -_-

Hostile v0.655

2010-01-16T03:47:00.000-08:00

Constantly adding new heroes to each version, hopefully to create a bunch of quality heroes to fill the numbers. because it will improve the replayability of the game.

In this version, I will be adding a new Mortar Team to the team, they specialize on demolition and defensive to make them very fearsome and powerful. Mainly they concentrate on base and creeps destruction, very little concentration of hero killing.

Quarrel

2010-01-15T00:20:00.000-08:00

Quarrelled with my dad yesterday, in the end he gave up and let me in. I cried in front of my dad for the first time in 10 years... I don't want to challenge him, but I don't want him to control me.
When he was about to give in, I cried because I feel so bad. But it's what I want and what he should do.

_________________________________

Hostile War Development

Analyst alot on the hero balance, item balance, hero gameplay, strategies, generic gameplay and item costs.

I suddenly have this surge of inspiration that push me to work on the map. Currently developing a new hero, Deicas the Water Spirit. Added a ward shop that sells Sentry Wards, Healing Wards and Attack Speed Wards. Fixed a bug with Nive Assasin's Stealth Strike to not properly showing the attack range.
All I want is a support group of people to test, seems to be an impossible task..

_________________________________
================================
Releasing Hostile War v0.652 soon, Terrain bug fixed, new wards, new hero Water Spirit. Hopefully a balanced, fun and enjoyable game to become.

Love Songs - Chinese

2010-01-04T08:50:00.001-08:00

Starting to understand the love songs I had been listening
X --> X --> X

Kind is not an Affection
Care is not for Granted
Mistake can be Fixed
Heroes are but nothing
Attention is appreciation
Understanding is Knowledge
Escape is not a resolution
Being Clear means being Good
Careless is Evilness

________________________________
Now tell me, what you really feel inside

Summary

2009-12-31T23:14:00.000-08:00

Watched Sherlock Homes yesterday, a very inspiring movie. I had found out that everything people do has a reason behind it and that those you fear are those you lack knowledge of.

It was new year yesterday, so I gave 'it' a try, to find that I am disappointed again. I am not complicating things, I just wanted to make sure, I guess now it is very clear once again.
People can be so weird at times...

Just got my pay not long ago and decided to plant it in the bank! My first Internship achievement =). Dad was proud of me.

During the party yesterday, one of my aunt mention that I got a girlfriend =O, grandpa saw her the other day, so I just sat there, smile and kept quite, how an awkard situation...

Today, I am going to strive to work hard. My motto is to never be over or under confident, and it shall be true!
*I remind myself

Patherns

2009-12-29T02:09:00.000-08:00

I started to figure out how people are all the same, when you do something, and when you don't do something... It's about understanding one another

If you can understand someone first, they will start to understand you, vise versa. The opposite happens when you don't do it

So if you forget to understand someone first, you will have trouble digging out why they treat you so bad, then problems happen

~Message from Doc.YR~

Eh that was me, Doc was just a joke =)

Motto

2009-12-22T23:24:00.001-08:00

Never be under- or over- confident

Eh Crap

2009-12-17T07:01:00.000-08:00

LoL stop thinking about it, STOP @_@!!!

Understandable Hints

2009-12-15T21:49:00.001-08:00

She don't give a damm, I give up
___________________________________
Let go and move on

One more question, why are people ignoring people?

End

Crap Day

2009-12-15T05:17:00.000-08:00

Went for OS lesson till afternoon, went for lunch and met wee kiat. Mac donalds, with mac chicken brought me back to when I was a kid, always love to learn new things back then...

After which waited for Miss sally and started editing virtual tour, over there I met julian and a couple more friends...Ahhh FYPJ boredom can be felt just by stepping into the dreaded area, THE LAB!
I would edit till 4pm + then head to julius's house to deliver the blue container, it was so weird bringing it to school today, everyone wondered what that was, it is simply striking =S, Next time ill bring a better plasic bag =s

On the trip back home, I bought a choco bar that caused me 1.50, while walking the path, this guy wave to me from far and wanted me to donate him 2 bucks, after a while I find him suspicious and decided to give him my 1.50 choco to shut him up. Along the way I would take the safest path and becareful of this man, he might come after me for cash or wack me. Who knows =S damm sway

Time to take bus! boring trip as always, reached home and went to buy some drinks before slack session, the computer!
And here I am typing the block ;S
Ok thanks for reading, that's all =)

Endless Busy

2009-12-14T04:09:00.000-08:00

Day 4 at Touchdimension
---
Finally started to help out something, so excited and happy that I am actually working on one of their 'soon to be' selling games. I just feel that there is more that is needed for the map generator I am working on, hopefully everything can be done up by tomorrow. Although I need cash, working there is an self-discipline and a good improvement

---
I realised that good attitude means alot, it doesn't just mean being good, it's all fair. Responsibility is the word, don't hate yourself but take responsibility, take note of all consequences.

---
It is shocking how I am still thinking of you~
Yan Rui, stop being a retard, everybody thinks that you are stupid now, so stop behaving like one

---

What is freedom? Bad? My dad doesn't give a damm respect for me when he scolds, probably in anger =(

The Life

2009-12-12T09:35:00.001-08:00

Friday:
A day to help my friends out, I met one of them after school, then went ahead to help them with their projects. We headed for lunch, tea break while doing project, ended with a dinner. Surprisingly the dinner was cheap and taste quite nice...
---All I want is to hear your voice---
___________________________________________________________________________________

Saturday:
Need to wake up early to service a car that my dad's friend support. Meanwhile, I was shocked to recieve your phone call but sad to find out that it was nothing more than just to ask me for help. Well, I wanted to tell you that I am busy, but some part of me just want to ignore you. I think I will just let it be this way...
After the car service, my whole body was aching like crap and had no time to accompany chao shun.

Later on in the afternoon, I directed my friends (Julius, John, Yuan Sheng and Reuben) from their place to my dad's nursery. Then they explored the area while I prepare the neccessary stuff for BBQ later on. Then I joined them in the explore and then BBQ started after. BBQ was heaty and sweaty but worth the while, we had fun. We then played card games around the BBQ area and then Karaokay Room later.

We would change location from nursery to my Semi-De and play card games
___________________________________________________________________________________
Sunday: 2.00AM
Status: Still playing card games
After which, all of us were so tired. Reuben, John and Yuan Sheng left early. Leaving me, Victor and Julius. We slept and I overslept, now I am here staring at my computer screen, lol. Kept thinking of you but eventually I will get no understanding, what the hell am I doing? I ask myself.
You seem so heartless, are you taking all my actions 'for granted'? LoL, I think I am crazy, stop thinking about it!!!
___
I wonder what I should do now:
- Study Operating System?
- Play Computer Games?
- Sleep (Cuz lack of sleep)?
- Think about you?
- Rot?
- Eat

I think I choose eat, lol, probably sleeping soon
to be continued...

Day 2 at TD

2009-12-09T03:05:00.001-08:00

Day2 at game company, Touch Dimension (TD)
It seems like a good day to chiong, however I still don't know alot of things
Many things to follow, I failed to finish the Library coding today, it was just assigned
I am so weak, so much skill-less, what is happening? My lack of confidence, disturbance due to thinking too much, I gotta be more focus!
Lunch was at the work place, I feel so embarassed eating lunch over there,
may be I just need to get used to being treated well
I am just too grateful to Travis and Jaffrey for all they provide, I feel
so pampered as an intern
After lunch, I started to code and code, somehow, time and time I get this distraction in my mind, problems unsolved, it affects the mood and everything
I guess that's why emotions screw the efficiency
_______________________________________
At 3pm, me and the others head out to the Microsoft branch for an interview.
While finding taxic, this Mr who knew one of our member had the generous heart to drive us to our destination, along the way he chated about how life is, I gotta agree that he is wise and caring, good to meet him, I could find him just to chat about life haha. Anyway, after we reach, I was there to be the observer, invited by the company. I like the design of the whole Microsoft building, impressive and bright, people working there got the passion to serve. I am surprised that Microsoft actually provide free food and drinks for visiors. After a while of waiting, Dennis and Chris came, Chris is the host of this interview. After a while of introduction, we had an interview and went to check out the new Silverlight's application!
After which we got to meet someone called Eugene. While walking around, I saw people from NYP browsing the rest area, there is a buffet and drinks I guess. They seem to be there to explore the Microsoft building, probably year 2 students.
After the whole trip it was so late that I gotta to go home, promised to go home early for gaming haha
It was back then that I realised that my bag was left at the workplace, I decided that I will go take it tmr anyway, explored the Orchard Road and headed home after. Mrt and bus trip was pretty intersting, was thinking about stuff and how bad mood I was today, throughout the day. I just wonder how things will be after this weekdays...End

Boring Like Crap

2009-12-07T23:21:00.000-08:00

Boring boring boring
Don't know why I am so bored
Probably my health
or probably something else
___________________________________________________

Operating System, it's so lame at times, I do think that the questions are tricky...
I don't wish to just pass, but aim for full marks
I gotta put in more effort, it's just too bad that my brain can't memorize that well

I resorted my message memory, now my phone runs super fast, by switching from phone memory usage to MASS memory usage, the performance improved greatly!

Took my Basic Theory Test Date today, it will be on 8th January 2010
Sorry julius and john, totally forgot to tell you that I am busy on friday that time
I am starting to put meetings to my phone's calendar and hopefully this kind of thing
will never exist for me in the future

Deh, I found out that there is a limit to helping people, either you make them learn or you make them happy and they get attitude problem. So make them understand your shit, then tell them what to do, guide like a pro, then everything is done, fullstop, that's what I did
___________________________________________________

The above section reminded me of helping 'you'... Yea, the love quote is true huh? You became my government... Can't help myself, I am gona be more heartless, I need to grow, to do things, for the peoples' greater future. When it's about you, I can tell the grandmother story to anyone who is so curious, probably take the whole 24 hours of a day, who knows. So I need you to tell me in the face, shout at me, make me wake up my mind, because now, I am like, floting around you. If you can just blow me away, I would be hurt a little, but you can stay happy for a lifetime ... =) That's my goal, you being happy
___________________________________________________

Reminds me of the time I started liking you, I think now so many people know, even you. When someone ask me why I like you, I don't know how to answer it. Then I kept thinking and thinking, probably it's my heart
___________________________________________________

Just to tired, may be I see you in the dreams again
___________________________________________________

Tmr is going to be a hard day, cause tomorrow will be the day I chiong the work!
Wish me luck, end.

First day At work

2009-12-07T01:25:00.000-08:00

The company people are friendly and environment is good
They are always there to teach and work together
I feel so warm and relax working with them, no competition, no stress
Along the way, I learnt alot of things they taught me today
A worthwhile trip to work =)

Guessing Game

2009-12-06T04:05:00.001-08:00

Okay, I don't know what's going on again...
Am I going to wait 5 days again?
I think... I'll give up in just 1 day
(All, I tell myself)

My Decision

2009-12-05T15:42:00.000-08:00

My dad always tell me to do things with direction
I already prepared myself for this
I am letting go as you wish
It all depends on you

End of the world feeling

2009-12-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

Had a chat till 5am from yesterday night
I am pretty disappointed, they adviced the same things as my dad
which in the first place, that's why I even discussed with them
Therefore, I had decided to solve crazy problems myself, I don't
want to trouble my friends anymore, k?

Had a great time with you =) see you real soon

Buz

2009-12-03T05:50:00.000-08:00

Had been helping out my dad's nursery today
Also done preparations for tmr's meeting

Had been slacking yesterday
Just wonder how things will turn out this weekend and next week

Looks are masks

Busy

2009-11-30T05:38:00.000-08:00

BBQ, Game Company's Job, Car Wash Business, Car License, Studies, NAPFA Test, National Service, My Game Development...Last of all, You and Me.

Eye Opening

2009-11-29T06:29:00.000-08:00

Today is for you, I prepared myself to listen to any sudden decisions, I paused all my work to give you freedom.
Today's jog was good, I realised that it was a good training.
Today's dinner and shopping went quite smoothly, how do you feel?
I feel so glad today.

'E'

2009-11-28T07:01:00.000-08:00

Today, I had almost decided to give up. I saw the MTV during the afternoon, a sad song for broken relationship. My tears had dropped for you the second time... Had been 4 years since my previous group of tears drop. You can truely make me cry.

I went for a game project meeting with some other friends, it was held at the amk hub, although details are vague, I will try to understand as much as possible, seems like the boss is still doubting my abilities. Told him I got 6 years of experience, doesn't seem like he ever take that seriously.

After the meeting, it was around 5.30pm, my dad... fetch me home to prepare for my cousin's birthday celebration. During travel, I thought about you, I feel the sadness. Just when, I was about to give up... the timing as so incredible, almost like fate had come. Your replied, I waited for 5 days... I burst into happiness. Fogs cleared.

Do you remember the happy moments we had together? Do you even know why I like you?
People I seek, all had asked me to give up, some part of me just don't want. It just hurts for me to give up like that. Please don't hurt me anymore, be straight with me, at least I won't feel lost...

Birthday celebration was great. I didn't get to sing my trained song, "Yong Xing Liang Ku", my dad trained me, I mastered it within 2 days... Too bad, caught a cold + fever, no form to sing any song... Nevertheless, I love my family =)

Back to Work

2009-11-25T05:03:00.000-08:00

Today, I had a customer for car wash business, thanks to my dad
I am so honored! I started work at 9am and ended at 12pm for lunch break, continued after 2pm to 3pm, rushed out some work... with the help of my dad at the second half.

I felt really exhausted. Income for that service me and my dad did was 60 dollars. I hope for a higher pricing (Greed). But hey come on, my whole body hurts.

Long day~ hope you reply real soon, waited for a day alreay, feeling like sad when I think about it. . .

Wonderful wonders

2009-11-23T03:39:00.000-08:00

It had been a term for me, I learnt alot and I realised that I am still being caught up by emotions that time.

Anyway:
On saturday, went for a walk with my dog, "lucky", he's pretty old, it was adventurers.
I signaled 'lucky' to follow me to the roads, 2 of the other dogs came with me as well. So the journey begins, as we pass the roads, they explore around and many lorries are passing while we explore. I know the place, therefore we won't get lost. We reached a temple with a couple of fierce looking dogs barking out loud, I wasn't afraid of them since they didn't charge directly at me. One of my crew ran away in fear just hearing the loud barks of those fierce lookings. I got caught up by fear a bit, so I decided to back off abit before passing it again later.
After certain distance of backing, I picked up a stone in my right hand and lead my other 2 dogs('lucky' and another) pass the temple area. The dogs just kept barking out loud... while walking half way pass the area, I stared at them and stood there for like a minute... watching them bark. Their barks get softer then louder at the later part. I was finally pissed off and shouted at them while throwing a rock in a very happening manner, the rock hit the ground hard and scared the dogs away... It was funny how they run, like running for their lives..while almost we pass the temple area, this black dog came charging to me. I pick and threw another rock on the ground and see it run like the previous.. amusing.

Anyway we passed the temple, the jorney ahead was rather peaceful, all the way, then we were just 500 metres back home when the dog attackers came, a black and a white. the white was smaller in size but fearesome, the black was some hardcore german sherperd. he charged near 'lucky' and tried to give him a bite, but i stopped it by acting to throw the heavy rock, that I picked just now.

Then that was the last encounter of the dog attackers... seriously, they should just keep their dogs inside.

I went out to anime fest.. It was awesome, with some good cosplayers and many things to look around at, events... figurings... etc... I think the ticket fee of 12 dollars is considered very expensive, had carls Junior for lunch (pardon my spelling), had to rush to another meeting to walk around to find shoes. went home after a few hours at the lan shop

Gift

2009-11-20T06:17:00.000-08:00

The day before, I shopped amk hub for 2 gifts, one for a friend, another for a project mate...

I hope for something, something that is gona fail to ligt its path

Disappointed

2009-11-16T03:35:00.000-08:00

My faith for you, is fading to point blank...
This week will be the busiest week of all...
I hope for what will happen after this week. . .
It's judgement week.

You ~

2009-11-13T06:56:00.000-08:00

I wana see you

Think and Think

2009-11-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

I didn't care where this is heading, I hope this is the kind of bond that comes natural... From what I know, you do care... Then why? I am in such a problem... A endless loop, I don't have the guts to promise anything, just because that I am incapable still... after ns... yes.. you will see, wait for me... our bond shall never end..

Why?

2009-11-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

Why do I care so much for her? I don't know how to explain, don't know how to describe. All I know now is that there is no more chance for me, no more...

I don't mind, I take it as an experience but I hope for one thing, I hope we will be best friends forever.....

..............Dreaming

The Way I Feel

2009-11-08T09:03:00.001-08:00

:- Give in to Me

She Always Takes It With A Heart Of Stone
'Cause All She Does Is Throw It Back To Me
I've Spent A Lifetime
Looking For Someone
Don't Try To Understand Me
Just Simply Do The
Things I Say
You Always Knew Just How To Make Me Cry
And Never Did I Ask You Questions Why
It Seems You Get Your Kicks From Hurting Me
Don't Try To Understand Me
Because Your Words Just Aren't Enough

You And Your Friends
Were Laughing At Me In Town
But It's Okay
And It's Okay
You Wont Be Laughing Girl
When I'm Not Around
I'll Be Okay
And I'll, I'll Not Find
Gotta, The Peace Of Mind No

Don't Try To Tell Me
Because Your Words
Just Aren't Enough

:- Dangerous

But her inner spirit and words
Were as sharp as
A two-edged sword
But I loved it
'Cause it's dangerous

The girl was persuasive
The girl I could not trust
The girl was bad
The girl was dangerous
Deep in the darkness of
Passion's insanity
I felt taken by lust's
Strange inhumanity

:- The way you make me feel

I Like The Feelin' You're
Givin' Me
Just Hold Me Baby And I'm
In Ecstasy

Never Felt So In Love Before
Just Promise Baby, You'll
Love Me Forevermore
I Swear I'm Keepin' You
Satisfied
'Cause You're The One For Me

:- Heartbreaker

Should have known she was a heartbreaker
That girl I can't take her

She plays a game with such an innocent face
I didn't know heartbreaking was her case
Her actions confess and put me through the test
I was surprised that I was caught inside
Now she's thinking that I will never know
And she'll keep playing until I let her go
But I hope in time that she will finally realize
I'm onto her game and she'll get played the same

I never thought that I would stop dreamin' about you
Stop being without you
But everyone told me so, to stop caring about you
And start being without you
But I'll find a way to go and start doin' without you
And stop talkin' about you
And what will she say?
She will say I was the man that got away

For You~

BBQ

2009-11-07T12:19:00.000-08:00

I had a family BBQ with my cousins, memorable.. was in panic state before the bbq, because nobody contacted me the information, when will start, who going, was also a bit nervous.

I reached the location at around 4, was held at my dad's work place ( It's pretty big )
We had fun, chatted, had more fun, bbq was awesome. after bbq, we head on to my dad's KTV room, he built it. It was awesome, it works just like a modern KTV room haha. Proud of my dad.. =>, well didn't sing much, no songs for me to sing =S

I am longing for that present of yours, I really hope that you won't forget to give me, I will feel very upset =(...
I wonder what you are doing now

You smile... Your presence... along with others, will stay with me for a life-time..

Understanding

2009-11-06T10:19:00.001-08:00

Understanding the situation:

I would like to thanks my friends for recent suggestions... I had think alot recently. I gave myself a self-discipline, had been busy... my supervisor also had given me new tasks, miss sally's expectation is growing.

I finally told her my troubles, my effort, my perserverence, the answer is going to be out, I wonder what will happen, this is so exciting! I doubt anyone can feel my anxiousness now, there had never ever been a better school semester than this, I will remember it a lifetime!

I learnt alot during this final year project, those that cannot be easily learnt from books or novels. Those who truely understand will see the true sight of what other's see, those who don't will come to conclusion at a rediculously early stage.
I am a person who wants peace and peace to all... I learnt to understand others, care for their feelings, best of all, don't be emotional, take life easier...

I had been rushing myself so much in this final year project, time to treat myself better... Better me, better mindset, awesome me... awesome...
I will get back to my warcraft map development once final year project is done. I am also finishing a request my friend had about web designing... I will give it my best, it will be my first industrial project that I am working alone on, wish me luck.

To the rest of my friends, even those who are not close, thank you for you suggestions, Life had never been any happier than recent, I feel a surge of bless running through me, the imbal knight had been borned! ha..

*Act cool for the lose*

For You

2009-11-05T03:22:00.000-08:00

Emotional Speech for myself

For you,
I done many things for you,
even betraying myself to do as you wish,
I had given,
I had recieved memories,
I assume it takes more than this,
to show you who I really am,
my faith had been running low,
my trust for you shall soon vanish,
what is unfair is that I betrayed myself,
just for you,
along with the memories,
I shall remember for life.

What about the bond,
we had?
broken,
as days pass, bonds shatter,
recreates,
and shatter again,
on going,
I am negative now,
for the outcome that would be,
soon revealed.

I once believed,
that hope is something meaningful,
now,
hope is meaningless,
hope brings emotion,
hope brings chaos,
and hope and trust,
can never work together,
It brings more chaos.

You,
you are very stubborn,
you are bad,
you are greedy,
you are sensitive,
you are lazy,
how much,
I wana tell you that,
you must change,
you are,
friendly.

my image of you,
shatter day by day,
forms back and shatter,
my mind tells me that,
I am stupid,
my heart tells me that,
you are the one,
my mind tells me that,
I am going to die,
my heart tells me that,
it is worth it,
my mind rejects,
your image,
is vanishing.

My suggestion,
love is not a toy,
trust is not,
easy.

I am tired,
of holding it,
I just wana,
let go,
and move on with life,
let go,
and be myself again,
let go,
and live in peace,
because,
I am giving up on the game,
giving up on you.

Time will tell

Mask

2009-11-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

Don't wear a mask while in conversation, show what you thik, care about others

don't be a fake, be truthful, I've learnt a lot from you, you should learn more from yourself..

I am becoming my default self

2009-11-02T03:25:00.000-08:00

From current experience, I am going back to my current self, improving with the things I learnt throughout life. I had realised many things, now I understand that naive is very negative. I will constantly learn and grow...

Optimistic / Pestimistic

: Optimistic

Android project for a friend

2009-10-31T19:26:00.001-07:00

I basically go no time to chat or what so ever, No time No time No time

If you ask me why, it's the project I am holding for a friend now... Sorry to be MIA

Argh

2009-10-31T07:38:00.000-07:00

I need help with android project.

Nehemiah had helped me with his files, I hope that next week, I can get a sample of how it works. Thank you MiAH!

Wee kiat had also been working on this project, information was not specified for the android project, from information given, the project started at the final few weeks, it should be the supervisor's fault.
I am still kind of lost with this android project though it is being run in eclipse(java language)

Finally got it set in my home computer.
_______________________________________________________________

Quotes to myself(To let you guys know my feelings)
"There is no more chance for me and you."
"This is where it ends =("
"I hope my help is in your heart."

Life

2009-10-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

Life is short, live it full and happy, awesome. Feel alive

Faith

2009-10-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

I am no longer a broken man.
With faith and confidence, I shall feel alive. .

Friends

2009-10-28T04:08:00.000-07:00

Stay together, and have fun

Deh Life

2009-10-10T01:40:00.001-07:00

Life, I should live it good and happy huh, that must mean that I need to turn sadness and suffering for the greater good . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

There's a saying, "Practice make perfect". I pretty much agree, but perfect seems impossible............. Why? cuz the next second, someone is better than you.... huh

Don't worry, be happy, everybody be a happy body...
=)

Moral Knight had been born - Yan Rui the Warrior, Chapter 2

2009-10-08T06:14:00.000-07:00

Climbing up the tall grown mountain, this knight had truely faced many problems. He strives to be a better person everyday, but still often turning back to his mistakes...
He shouts to the whole world, "Leave your emotions, but not totally. Blame yourself for mistakes, everyone.. Listen to me... LISTEN TO ME!".
Day after day, people ignored, they thought that he was a retard, a crazy man talking rubbish. In seek of world peace, yet in the end, the full peace cannot be met. Too many bad things happening... The world is shrouded in evil, the warrior had perserver, to show the world that evil shall perish in this world...

Morale, what is Moral? The way of "right", the path of all people...
The fallen warrior had rise again to call himself, the Moral Knight.
He smith his own blade to the color of white and rises it in air with both hands.
With the power of confidence, he charge it down to the very earth, while shouting...
"FOR WORLD PEACE".

Meanwhile, at the darker side of human kind, there lies a guy who wants to destroy the whole earth...

Ambitious

2009-10-05T03:51:00.000-07:00

I am too ambitious, now I understand that actions are simply louder than words or thinking. FYPJ had been stressing me like till no end. The dateline getting so close, I heard that this week there is presentation. I hope the project goes smoothly.

NS documentary almost done, it's on 5/7 steps (I suppose)... Super troublesome... I hate ns =.=

Hardwork, Perserverence, Motivation, Talent... More

The New Path - Yan Rui the Warrior, Chapter 1

2009-09-30T04:44:00.000-07:00

Moving along the path of confident, this warrior had been passive towards himself, determined. Knowing all hope had been encaved by darkness, this warrior had resisted till now, to show the world of what he is capable. That warrior is me.

Cave of darkness slowly emerged light, a new sorce of light waiting to touch him, the source of hope to life. He aquired the light in search for a better freedom. Scars of dread had been left on his heart, struggling over it day after day, this warrior had truely grown. Grown to a stronger, a faithful warrior.

With courage, he draws out his sword, appeared are existing time. Comtemporary, his dream to amaze the world had pushed him far, he realised that it won't be enough. He had to grow stronger, once he is transformed into his other form, that is when the journey begins...

Story continues...

Revival

2009-09-29T04:18:00.002-07:00

I am recovering from that incident, I shall now be focus on each and every "now and thens". I should not be bothered by such sad memory, there is no point pitying myself, I shall continue my pace as an entrepreneur.

I had revived...
-----------------
End

Sad

2009-09-29T04:18:00.001-07:00

Yesterday is the sadest day of my life. I tried so hard, to get my answer, I should blame myself for doing such stupid things. I thought it would work out, now I realise that it was actually so simple.

I should have known that I can never trust my emotions, it was a crush and I didn't even see it coming. The previous two crushes had affected me this time. I came to realise that love can't be forced. Even if answer isn't obvious, don't force it out, nothing can come out of it.

Yet there is a voice, telling me to move on, from my friends. Why? Am I such a failure...? Because I am doing it wrong and I am a failure.

Time passed and I realised flaws, yet loopholes again and again. Why is this happening? I should not judge people by who I think they are. I am just too stupid to understand that point. Conclusions are made earlier than they are supposed to be, that is the result of it, being so perserverence to ensure that the answer must be confirmed. I tried too hard, that's my result, total failure. I take advice and form it into something unhandled even by myself, my plannings are ahead of myself.

When the answer was released in a loud and clear manner by another member, it revolves around me like countless mosquito sounds. I cried, for the last 2 years spree, I thought that I am on the top of the world, I am over confident. Thinking that the word is already spreaded to her, yet it isn't spreaded, she seem to know nothing. See, even now, I am not sure, how stupid?

For the first in 5 years or so, my life is screwed once more. I can't blame nobody, say no tale, cry alone, lonely warrior. My aura is really dreadful. I thought I am friendly, now yet I realised, how broken of a beast I am. Why is this so deep, so deep that it strucks my heart again. Not in the 2 years. I need to recap on what I had been doing. Being clever and smart still has it's advantages, I am just not smart enough.

Taking so many suggestions and advices, yet taking them literally and not taking them seriously. My wicked mind, just wicked. Caring about others... I had almost lost that mind. I had changed, into a worst form that I can never had imagined.

There is a saying, "Know when to stop" that I simply don't understand, not at least until that incident. The answer speaks clear and loud, it closes all paths of hope, or even a single shine of light. I had always predicted that the ending will be simple and not harsh, yet harsh had to appear.

I rubbed away my tears to be a man. A new grown man that had finally gone through a stage of life. Something many people had been avoidly. I should be thinking of worst case scenerio and not expect ANYTHING good out of it. What can I do to remove this misunderstanding? Should I just ignore?

I wonder how she is now, she must be hating me, for spoiling an images. For spoiling everything she might had expect. Or simply, she hate me for a bastard I am. I don't know a single thing about it. My life is truely screwed. What is so obvious, I was taking it as a passtime. What was not obvious, I treated it as a hope. What that was normal, I treat it as a hint and signal. Why? Overconfidence.

I can cry all day long but I don't want to be a kid...

A new fresh day

Since the message is being defined in such a clear manner, I don't expect any more chance from her anymore. Therefore, I am going to try and finish up my school work. What I can do, is ignoring her, nothing else, else the loophole will never end. All the low confidence was about my status and my being. I must move on from this stage. No point wasting time asking myself anymore, I just need to learn from this lesson and move on.
I can't blame anyone, it is brought up by myself, for overconfidence. I shall now, show the world, what I can do.
--------------------------------------------------------------
End

I am not afraid to show my retardness, as long as I learn from it, I am good to go.

Geek

2009-09-26T21:35:00.001-07:00

What am I a geek to not understand that it is via our meetings and not messages via online that is truely it.
What of a geek of me to not relax myself of my own expectations of myself.
What of a geek am I to not understand life

When I just woke up just now, I finally started to understand, lyrics of classical sad songs that I had been listening to, when I was a kid. Somehow, they are making sense to me now. Is that the feeling? I suppose..

Answers are still, of no reply, I am thinking, very hard. Does she wants me as a friend, or something more? I asked myself.
I feel like crying out loud, but what does it bring me? Heavy sadness for my day, I should null it and take a dose everyday and every minute... Letting it all out at once... will be the last time I do, for this relationship, at least...

I used to think of my achievements had been hard earned and great, now I understand how hard it is to, be in love and take the courage and ability to do it...

I just need an answer right now, I call to you. Be direct, I won't be hurt easily... Unless you mean, you are in some complex situation, that I can still expect...

Don't worry about me, as long as you are happy by my side, I will be smiling my way back home... cry at times, giving big smiles for happy memories..

Yes... You rocked my life for the first 3 weeks for the boring school, I just can't stop but to think of the happy moments, yet now it is shrouded by something evil, something troublesome, messing things up for you. I take real pity, I can't do anything to help.. All I can do is , be your cheerleader.

I am someone who can control emotions, yet sometimes, I cannot null it completely, It is what I am, else a robot I would be...
Emotions are necesary. Purhaps... It is CoMpLicAtED.

Love

2009-09-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

Quotes - - - - - - - - - - -
Phrase 1: I had fallen in love. Yet why am I pulling myself back? Is it fear?.. I suppose..
Phrase 2: She seem to feel the same why towards me, is she waiting for me?
Phrase 3: Love is someone you want to serve unconditionally. I served. She grins.
Phrase 4: I finally had the courage to do it, answers are still about the bush, I should tell her in person.
Phrase 5: I wonder if she love me... I wonder..
Phrase 6: She takes me as a good friend or a lover? I am discovering her.
Phrase 7: Deep in my heart, I know I was right.. You do love me... don't you?

It Is ComplIcateD.
It had been a though few weeks as I discovered this feeling in my heart, warm and sweet, it can't be describe perfectly in words, I am going to label it as 'love'.

Why am I waiting? I fear the outcome, after advices after the other, I decided to go for it. To be honest, this will be my first.. hopefully last, though this feeling stays, I can't think too much for the latter...

Signs are showing up, my 6th sense are tickerling, I know my answers are clear, I can't stop thinking about her... There is a love surge going on...

I wonder how she feels, about me...

Emotions

2009-09-02T06:24:00.001-07:00

Feelings represent people, how they feel will be reflected as their 'true' self. Although it is very satisfying, emotions can be very bad at times when it overflows your thinking.

Somehow if not controlled really really badly, life might even probably be screwed up (this part I ain't very sure). Therefore it is then good to FEEL some but do not let your thinking go while, that is what it means by controlling it. Without feelings, who we are, will be the same.

I am revived!

2009-07-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I had successfully deleted the Tag Box for no good reason!
Anyway, I am a different person now! All I can say is, nothing serious, nothing big, no big change, just a small thing, don't worry about it.

I have so many things to do, sorry if I had been too busy to not go out or something, it's just hard to find time ;D, I am rather pretty old right now haha.

I had so much to be expected of myself! I think I have too much things to learn, I am going or researching in the game industries. Just alone, I do hope that you, my friend gives me moral support =)

I appreciate those who acknowledge me in secondary school, I was rather very different in thinking last time.. I hope you guys don't hold grudges =X
But yea anyway, I had come to the end. I am just different now ok..!

A New Perspective

2009-05-07T05:45:00.000-07:00

I am living in a world where people gets better and work towards success. I am going to aim for success, I will be busy. I don't know if I still have time. It's like I am 19 years old soon, I am thinking ahead. What happens if I play too much, will I fail? I think I will. Nevertheless, I am going to aim for the game developing and hopefully that will be a successful operation. I am thinking alot recently, there is not much time where I can slack but I must because I am exhausted thinking so much...

I still don't understand what life is? This is a really wicked wicked world I feel. Where whenever there is money, there is no peace, there is no 'real' happiness when there is a stress for money ... nobody can be carefree enough when their pockets are being burned.

I had decided to aim for the success path and hopefully get a right 1 in the end

Attitude

2009-04-18T03:02:00.000-07:00

The world is filled with many people of different attitude. For instance, I have a lazy and rather "running away" attitude. But I do feel that some of these many attitudes, including ignorance, is really worth some hating from others.

The world is also filled with many people who understands, misunderstands and don't understand. There are too many people who don't understand and act like they understand just for the "face". They even take up bad attitude just to defend themself of their "face", should we call them bastard or just leave it for a room for improvement.

Life is like this, there will always be flaws, nobody is perfect. However an attitude to care and forgive is even greater than an attitude of defensive and destructive comment. Think about it.

Map Map Map

2009-04-05T21:21:00.000-07:00

Mapping Mapping as always =)

The joy of making new heroes and items and that people uses them as combination is undescridable. .. No wait, even if you understand the feeling, you can't fully understanding until.. hmm well you know, the map gets popular because that is the time when real work starts. .

When many critism blast off at the speed of light at you and you will have to analyse and find a way out of those. .. Most critism are really random and inaccurate where some even flame me. . Like you suck or whatever. ..

Most importantly, there will never be a perfect thing in the world. . . There are just too many people with too many different thinkings that make the 'FUN' factor of a game rather slim..

Having said that, I can care much about those critisms. .. why not I go full force on my way and tell them, "how about this. .?" as a question without an answer

Let me just get back to my aim. .. Seriously, what if I am borned as a pig. .. Will I die of nothing?

Convosation with my Grand-dad

2009-03-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

It isn't a normal thing I do, It's rare I had a convosation with my grand-pa.
He is always that of carefree man up his age =)
Recently, he had a bad fall and still recovering after a few months ;(
It's heart breaking. .. He told some of his friends about it just today and they said take care.. without much sinecerity

But anyway nobody is going to take so much time to care about others when they can't handle theirs. ..
But I learned something, we sometimes, need to put aside our things for others ;\
Else we will look like bastard. ..

Normally I would just have a short convosation like yea I am the only one at home
But today, I chat with him a bit ;)
The reason is because he seems lonely somewhere, deep down I know it
Like erm my dad and relatives need to work for money and stress and stuff
So the time left to chat with my grand-pa reduces to 0
How lonely can he be for a year ? May be. .. New Year is the only time
Purhaps.. purhaps.. purhaps

END

I am Tired of Life

2009-03-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

It sucks, LIFE
I can never get what I want
Nobody truely understands me
My parents do not care for me

From today on, I shall never request anymore from my parents, they are taking it as a burden, so no more request

May be they want me to grow up, I need to grow up. I am no longer a child who needs other people to care about me. No more LOVE.

I am tired of those who lectures me, FEELS LIKE PUNCHING THEM
AND YES Nobody understands me

I AM JUST CRAPPY PISSED

I have no clue on how to earn money
It is still a big problem
May be I should walk the game creation path
Therefore, I might not be able to go out anymore
I just need time, I hope my dear friends can understand that

TODAY IS THE moST PisSed DAY OF all since I just know how my dad and mum ignored my request, it is so pissing to the point that there is no point thinking about it, it's over and I will be thinking much for the future, I will never ever request them

My Map

2009-03-05T08:19:00.000-08:00

All I want is to be a creator of a popular map... being the creator, like being a spiderman..

They know spiderman saves the town, but they do not know who the actual person is..
I want to be something like that, it makes me feel rather good and keeps me going..
Where was I going.. haha

I want to just make a map that people enjoy playing, normally they don't care about
who created the game, they just play for the fun of the game.. Some will notice the creator but that's not the point.. The point is, I made something that makes people happy and Have fun!

And it feels good to do that!
The map is under heavy construction.. and by construction you can't even imagine what I been through.. Headaches.. Gestric just for a map to progress in speed..
Sometimes even hand pain..

But look, all my hard work shall let people have fun.. Once I am done with this map..
I will focus many other things.. but I will not just leave it there.. I will make a couple of hero every few days or so haha But most importantly, items.. gameplay should be the piror

That's all, sometimes I just hope a helping hand reaches for me from above..

LIFE

2009-02-26T06:31:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I recieve a nitendo gameboy, and I feel so blessed. I played and played non-stop because it is new and all good, the first thing you ever play... you play it because you do not know the others and think that this is best of all!!

As I grow, I play more games.. from computer games with lousy graphic to nowadays where graphic is most important. I always compare games with games and found out that the competition was greater than what it started before when I was just a kid!
Now it is different, comparing is something nessesary...

Somehow know, playing pokemon is so boring because other kids get to experience much much better games better than pokemon... therefore, the level to those children who play games at secondary school will be higher than warcraft/dota sort of games

For a game like warcraft to be popular is therefore not very realistic till then...
I will make wonders to the world of gaming..

Sometimes I just hate comparing.. But now, we cant help not comparing .. even myself...
Man it is really selfish to compare but that is a normal reaction when 2 things are infront of you..

last time when I was a kid, I didnt know what pay attention means, even though the teachers tried their best to keep repeating it.. Years after, I know what it means and did not put it in use at all.. I just float around in class/ in school like I was in dreamland

Secondary school starts, all I know was playing, creating this.. then I saw this wonderful game called warcraft... At first I though it was some crappy 2D crap.. that everyone was wowing about.. Then the aura kicks in when all of my friends play.. I had no computer since after p6 when my computer spoilt and my dad was lazy to get another one..

Secondary 3, a game called dota that I started to know and understand..
I played with AI most of the time and never get me winning all the time.. In that same year I got a computer repaired and started to play around with the world editor .. at first everything did not make sense.. There was no online, no help , no tutorial..

I used my power of exploration to click and memorise everything I could..
Day by day editing stuff after I reach home... I could still remember going home was full of excitement, everyday was full of fresh new stuff..
Not to mention my CCA, sec 1 2 3, I admit that I have super freak low EQ at that time.. I even wonder if I was a retard.. No communication skill/ expressions to my friends, everything was kept in me like a void taking in all sadness..
As my ncc friends do not understand me, my first impression to them was wth..
they treat me like I was a real kid of primary school since I do not have any motivation of doing things... I never learn..

Everyday after school I just sit back on my old computer and find out new stuff, it was a joy for me, nobody understood, even my cousins, parents, brother..
Secondary 4, the school was stressing me... recieve couple of negative feedback from teachers... hair problems and face problems araise and hit me in the face when I have no idea what to do..

Continued my map dream.. making a map that might have a chance to overtake dota.. What I failed in was to control the memory of the game.. again no help, no tutorial.. I explored for 2 years without knowing what is what.. the logic of programming has been born!

I realise the O levels was near... I studied like never before, creating notes of chapters of every subject on pieces of paper for better disgestion..

The idea was from one of my teachers I could not recall.. I was desperate, just purely following the footsteps of the person.. And passed o levels eventually..

Some negative feedback was Strugged oFf on the day of my result of O levels..
On that day I gave someone I liked a present.. That year was one of the happiest and shy year ever...

I begin to have access to tutorials of world editor, started on it.. and took my whole holiday to learn some stuff about it.. friends discourage me of making map as waste of time, but that was my hobby from last time till then, it has always been..

Start to create mini games that might be fun, nobody appreciates.. That takes my programming to even higher levels..
When poly orientation starts, I was nervous of meeting new people.. found out they were all friendly..

Year 1 in poly had been blury still for me... It was hard to adept from sec sch attitude to poly attitude where we have no guidelines on behaviour.. we need to adjust it in our own pace..

Year 2 in poly life is much clearer in what I wanted, what life works.. World editing is clear to me, everything is clear! All the schooling was done by government.. all the plannings are there to guides us to their way.. it is the order..
Now I am thinking as an adult, what path should I take.. The path that I always follow blindly.. or a new path that might make me regret a lifetime..

This world is about money.

omg

2009-02-17T19:05:00.000-08:00

FaRCCKK!!!!
Just missed my os examination, if never attend = fail thats what they say...

GG, prepare to take os again next year

meanwhile let me see what I can do with my other exams

Car Washing and more

2009-02-13T04:54:00.000-08:00

Today I started my training on car washing and stuff hoping it would be much help for earning money $_$

However the most irritating thing now is exam ;\
Not very hella interested in exam but forced to take it
What have the world become all along, just don't get it
Don't get it yea, how I wish world is not that complicated
How I wish everything is smooth and easy, Wish stress does not exist
It just exist, this is a terrible world and exams, studies are part of the bad part
How I wish life was much easier with no exams and no stress
People would be smiling :) even me
Too bad life is ""
We can never get what we really wanted but its all like that
ALL I wanted was no stress, that inculdes no exams, darn the exam
ALL I want is to get my hella game creation dream completed, that will make me
A guy who completed his goal and dream
ISNT that really hard to get? ahhhh
How I wish I can be like bill gates
How the heck do we even have countries war and that is the cause of national service
Hate it, even that they have a test for physical condition, pure hate it
I hate the system, the order, the plan, that is why life is ""
If life could be any better, everyone in the world is in peace
That would be "HEAVEN"
If management = perfect, everyone = world peace, life = paradise
now management = sucks, everyone = stress, life = sux
That is now, I hope management can ^ go up a bit

Wondering what management is ? figure it, it is life's most precise thing when you get it

Life of 19

2009-01-28T07:36:00.001-08:00

What is done is done.
By the age of nineteen, parents would like their children to be understanding
Know what is right, what is wrong
Choose the right decision
The right path to take
Judge others correctly
Nulldify all mistakes
Work their way to perfectness
Never make them worried

What am I? None of all I know

I began to ask myself, "Can I trust myself to be better?"
Influence is another thing
Desire is worst
Only when you could self-discipline then can you become a successer
My dad is requesting another thing from me
The weight is on my shoulders
I can feel that aura whenever he is near me
The aura to push myself
Who said only mum is there to push you
Both parents are there to push you to
The Peek Of The Mountain

I shall improve

Reguards,
Myself

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR YEA!

2009-01-27T05:54:00.000-08:00

oo yea like all the years before its always happy
and also many ang baos!
hehehe
Hope next year will be better
It is so relaxing now
After all the fun :D and laughters
Everybody is happy :D
Take their holidays too
Tomorrow will be going to sentosa!
So looking forward to looking at my dad's products displayed there

Project

2009-01-24T00:56:00.000-08:00

yea yesterday I helped my friends to finish some programming things :D
Feels so good when everything is working well :D
However, when youre good at something, the other falls apart
For me with a warcraft logic programming background really doesn't have a good design ability
Creating a new gameplay is rather difficult, similiar to designing a website from a blank piece of paper, but when the idea is up.. the programs appears in my brain like details displayed on a computer screen in an split instance :D
This is all because of heavy warcraft logic programming knowledge, Trained for 5 years don't expect myself to fall for simple tricks of the JSF in IBM!

Rather my dad wants me to earn money since I am already 18 going 19! When I was 17, I think that I am a kid still. When it was my 18th birthday, I suddenly realise that I am no longer a teenage! O.o
A few months ago I was planning to do investment, but looking at the unpreditable changes life is going, investment is a huge random society! Rather what is actually in my mind back then was to earn money with the slackest way, using the brain instead of pure hard work .. Rather brain cannot always be trusted ..!

With my warcraft programming experience I can code many things such as moderate complex programming... But like what Mr Chew told the whole class the other time.. Good programmers are construction works (Pure hard Work).. Designers are the leaders..

Well unless he mean designers are double as strong as programmers, they have to give some respect to the programmers... Me as a programmer has the design mind, just that may be the ability was not up to standard... So meaning programmers just a bit lack of design skills and NOT TOTALLY NO DESIGN SKILLS yeap! Mr chew got to work on it a little :)

Back to me, I want to be dual, both programming power and designing power... Got to work hard on the current naruto map that was being switched with my 2 other maps, switching to this map then to the other, which is pure 3min decision thing.. my problem..

This morning I saw the movie overviews, like how they make the movie and such, took them like a few months to one movie.. Compared to my 3 minutes decision.. What am I? Yes a failure! I must follow what others called perserverence...

I have thought of something... When you have perserverence and many things starts to get in the way... You get loads of stress... E.g Hanging out/Peer Pressure so that is all in the way yea but well what can I do about life
It is like that...There will never be a day that what you want always gets into you I guess... Randomness is one of the common things in life :)

Watched a magic show just now, purely amazing.. The magician used randomness for his magic, he need to guess out the thing that is being picked by random, and he did it of cause... Even the professionals gave a comment... Quote: "He is really very special"

^_^

2009-01-19T08:56:00.000-08:00

Need to pass every subject to get ready for next year!!

Gogo go!

First must study hard, then take the test easily and walk out of the test hall proudly :)

Dang project is really getting easy :x
Here and now I wonder what happened to my friends
I guess thats all
May be I will play World of Warcraft :S

Stress

2009-01-06T21:45:00.000-08:00

Next week will be test avalanche =.=

Project work redoing =.=

and worst of all free time is very limited D: damm it

Communication

2009-01-05T08:11:00.001-08:00

I really think that everyone has the rights to talk about things, the timing must be right or else it will really be irritating :) Thats my line for today lol

Human Emotions

2008-12-30T08:53:00.000-08:00

I just feel that emotions shows our personality

Thinking back to last time, when I get angry, I will never back off until I get what I want, If someone gets in the way I just scare and walk away like what a crazy beast would do... Many times because my mum always do not give what I want

After a few times of these crazy anger, I realised that I was foolish, There was this saying that If you do not master your anger, your anger master you. Back then I do not understand what it was trying to say... I was like a spoilt kid which I realised only now

Before now, I was always able to control my anger, trying to not let it out again...
But right of just now, someone on msn was blaming me, I gave him my reasons but he kept being very vulgar with me trying to gain a sorry, I said I do not know him well and there is no point of talking about it, he went ahead to block me

It was then that my anger was trying to take over me. Now what I feel was, a demon inside me...
This is what happened:
That guy came to me for a hero suggestion, I told him that I need the things by that day, he tried hard to send those things by msn but I was really busy at that time(dota) and this issue happened to be forgetton after a tiring match of dota...After a week or so I was hoping that he would give me something.. then he typed in msn that he was in japan.. so I was like nevermind.. may be he will send it to me after a while, I remember in the chat log he said sorry and bye before he went off... I did promise him to make his hero but the main point is... He did not send me the files (Impossible to do his hero without those files). The files are vital.

Right about 20 minutes ago he became a havoc and chaotic person trying to get a sorry from me, I didnt tell him all the mistakes he made, I just gave him a sentence saying there is no point in talking about it... he went chaotic and vulgar and even more volent...
Ok the last thing he did was, "if thats the case then all I can say is bye", and he went offline, I presume he blocked me

So let me ask you(yes you!).. What would you do after this?

A. because of his craziness and bad attitude (blocking you), went to japan still wana blame you... You decide to not make his hero and break you promise

B. Let the anger take over and make you mad at it for at least a week

C. Try to stand it and cried because it was too much

D. Let it go, take over the anger and continue your promise

After that... what I feel was totally A.. after a few seconds, I feel that I cannot ever break the promise I gave...

And that is what I call mastering your anger :)

project

2008-12-24T11:56:00.001-08:00

Only one more day to finish up the undone ...

- JEE UI and odbc linking
- DMID test revision
- POA revision
- DMID UI
-

That is all I can think of at the moment

Dream

2008-12-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

Just this week, I have lots of dreams, some sweet and some nightmares, those dreams I have taken into concept

Dreams are dreams, I cant take them too seriously...

Staying happy is vital :)